Ezra’s behavior has been very erratic. He has been acting like a drug addict on a high, sometimes violent and confrontational, the next moment completely spacing out, and then suddenly screaming at the top of his lungs and running around in circles, crashing headfirst into the pillows on the couch, and laughing maniacally. It is time to examine his diet. I feel so lost in this forest of information out there. There is no one-size-fits-all solution. Sometimes I wish that God would just tell me what’s good for him, so I could help him sooner.

I admit I have been avoiding the diet change, but it has become very obvious that my happy, cute, verbal boy turns psychotic twenty minutes after eating something. Why have I been avoiding it? Because it takes so much time and money. I don’t mind cooking special foods but I’m annoyed that I’m paying $5 for 2 cups of Teff flour. Let’s face it, if I went to Aldi to buy 1 kg of white flour it would cost me $.35. Only 0.5 kg bag of rice flour costs me $2.50. One bag of spaghetti at Aldi’s $.27. Special rice spaghetti $3.99 per bag. The price is a stumbling block, and I also dread the fights we have over eating, because Ezra is so picky and resorts to screaming at the top of his lungs and throwing food if he doesn’t want to eat something. It gets tiring, especially at the end of the day. And yet, I know that forcing doesn’t get me anywhere. Unless he loves the concept of trying new foods, unless it’s fun and exciting it will be a battle all the time. That goes for everything.

Anyway, here is a really fabulous, extensive website on dietary info. It is the best link I’ve come across with more links compiled than anywhere I’ve ever seen.

On the plus side, and maybe I should make this a separate post, I managed to get Ezra to take his supplements. Again, I made it fun and now Ezra loves taking his supplements. It’s not fight at all.

I had a less than awesome parenting break down today. Essentially I reacted in a way that I shouldn’t have and that modeled exactly for Ezra what I was trying to teach him NOT to do. I felt really bad about myself. He got over my breakdown quickly and was happily playing soon after, yet I noticed that both Micah and him stayed really close to me after that, and Micah kept on asking me if I was happy (or if I had chosen happy yet). We’ve been teaching them that we can chose how we want to feel, and that however we want to feel is OK (and Micah, my sweet 3 year old, keeps on reminding me that I can chose how I want to feel. I love it!) Anyway, I wanted to cry. I wanted to be sad. I felt miserable. I asked myself why I wanted to feel that way, and what it was accomplishing. I realized that I thought if the kids saw how badly I felt they would know that I was sorry, and then would forgive me. I realized quickly that, THEY had already moved on and forgiven me, and OK, I had modeled bad behavior for them, but I had the opportunity now to teach them something more important through that. I could beat myself up about it, chose to feel miserable about myself all day, or I could say: OK, I messed up, I’m sorry. I’m going to move on, and no longer feel bad about the past. So I chose to move on (and at least work out my issues without the kids around).